


Necessary Means

by Traycer



Series: Alphabet Soup Fics [12]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Alphabet Soup Challenge, Angst, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e06 Rite of Passage, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-20
Updated: 2011-08-20
Packaged: 2017-10-22 20:43:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/242377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traycer/pseuds/Traycer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She was determined to save her daughter, no matter what it took.  Missing scene for "Rite of Passage".</p><p>Written for the Janet Alphabet Soup anthology, hosted by SG_Fignewton.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Necessary Means

It was a good time to be in the commissary. There were only two other people sitting at a table across the room, and the relative quiet soothed Janet Fraiser's pain as she pondered the values she had held so dear. She was not proud of what she had done, but there were no other alternatives. Her beloved daughter was dying and the only woman who could save her was being stubborn and set in her ways.

Janet took a sip of her coffee, remembering the mixture of pain, anger and grief that had festered within her until she took a gun and went after that witch, Nirrti. At the time it was the only thing she could think of doing. Cassie didn't have much more time. But now that the showdown was over, Janet had a revelation. She was no better than the very people she hated, those who would take a life without even batting an eye.

The Hippocratic Oath, she thought bitterly. So much for sticking to her vows.

"Hey," Sam Carter said. She was standing next to Janet with a tray in her hands, obviously wondering if she should sit down and join in on the self-pity party. Janet nodded in greeting, but regretted it immediately when Sam took that as an invitation and sat down across the table from her. Great, Janet thought with a resigned sigh. She really didn't want to talk to anyone right now.

"Cassie seems to be doing great," Sam said.

"Yeah." At what cost, Janet wondered. She was happy that her daughter was responding well to the treatment, but she would reserve her celebration for when Cassie was completely out of the woods.

Sam, on the other hand took Janet's response as a negative. "You don't sound so thrilled."

Janet shrugged. "I'll wait until she is well enough to go home before cracking open the champagne."

"Come on. With you on the case, she'll recover in no time."

Janet took a sip of her coffee as she nodded in agreement. She had already proven that without a doubt. "She'll be fine," she told her friend.

Sam stared at her for a moment, then looked down at her own coffee cup, apparently unsure what to say next. They sat in silence for a few moments, until Sam spoke up.

"What's going on?"

"Nothing. I'm just tired." Sam didn't appear to believe a word of it, but Janet was not about to discuss her short-comings, no matter what.

"Come on, Janet. Something's wrong." Janet shrugged again, while Sam was not to be deterred. "Is there something you're not telling me about Cassie?" Her voice took on a more urgent tone when she asked, "Has she taken a turn for the worse?"

"No, no. Nothing like that," Janet said with a smile. "She is responding remarkably well and will probably be going home in a couple days." Sam stared at her with concern, and Janet couldn't help but blurt out, "It's just that I was so sure she was going to die, and Nirrti was just sitting there doing nothing…"

She stopped and looked away, afraid to see Sam's reaction. She wasn't sure that her friend would understand. How could she? Janet wasn't so sure she understood herself.

"Nirrti would have let her die," Sam said with conviction. Janet looked up at her friend, wondering if maybe she did understand. Sam went on though, her serious expression setting the tone. "No one blames you for what you did."

"Well I do," Janet said, anguish making the words seem harsher than she intended. "I went in there fully intending to kill her if she didn't help Cassie." She stared at Sam, wanting more than anything to make her friend see past the facade that Janet had built up throughout the years. "And I would have, Sam. Despite my hesitation, I would have blown her out of existence."

"No," Sam said as she shook her head. "No you wouldn't. Not if it meant destroying Cassie's chances along with it." Janet could only stare at her friend, tears welling up as she remembered feeling like a failure when she couldn't pull the trigger. She had known going in there that Nirrti wouldn't help her. Nirrti had said as much. But when the time came to actually pull the trigger, Janet had hesitated, and by the time she got up enough anger to help her shoot the woman, the guards had decided to act.

"That's not the point, Sam. I wanted to hurt her, to force her to save Cassie. She told me that I was just wasting my time." She looked away for a moment, desperately trying to calm down as memories kept reminding her of her worst fears. "And when she told me that, I just lost it. I wanted her dead. I hated her so much at that moment, that I wanted her dead."

"Then why didn't you kill her?" Sam asked. Janet stared at her friend, wondering at the coolness she displayed as she casually mentioned killing another person. A memory sprang up in Janet's mind, strong and unbidden. Oh God, she thought with a sudden understanding of past hard feelings.

"I couldn't take a life," she said. "And besides, the guards wouldn't let me." Sam smiled at that admission, but Janet wanted to share her realization. "Sam. Do you remember when Apophis died in the infirmary?"

Sam nodded, her confusion clearly apparent. "Colonel O'Neill came in to talk to him." The memory was so clear; Janet could almost see the Colonel standing in front of her. "I wanted to save Apophis, but Colonel O'Neill told me to just let him die." She looked over at her friend to see that she was nodding in reluctant agreement. Janet allowed a small smile to form on her face. Sam knew her commanding officer all too well.

"The Colonel can be a little passionate about those things," Sam said with an apologetic smile.

"So can Daniel. He said pretty much the same thing." Sam was now looking at her cup, unsure of what to say, while Janet knew exactly what she wanted to say. "I didn't understand at the time. I mean, how could they hate a man so much to want him dead?"

Sam stared at her with a sad expression, but Janet wasn't finished. "It was so important to me that Apophis live, because that's all I know. I was trained to succeed, Sam. Granted I didn't always win the battle, but for the most part I did everything in my power to heal those who were suffering. And for me to just stand by and let a man die just because O'Neill, Teal'c and Daniel wanted him dead…" She stopped then, realizing that she was going off on a tirade. "I'm sorry," she said with a sad smile. "I only bring this up because I now know how they felt."

Sam smiled then and laid her hand on Janet's, "The Goa'uld are evil, Janet. They would just as soon see you dead as to spit on you. They don't care about our morals or our feelings, and what's one more dead human to them?"

Janet nodded. She knew that as well as anybody. It just bothered her that she was becoming one of them.

"And by the same token," she said in response to Sam's statement, "What's one more dead Goa'uld to us?" Sam just stared back at Janet, apparently at a loss for words. "That was what I was thinking, Sam. I wanted Nirrti to save my daughter or die trying. Even if it meant killing her myself." She wiped away the moisture that welled up in her eyes again, determined to see this through to the end with dignity. "I took an oath to save people, to keep them alive by any necessary means, and yet I was willing to turn my back on everything I believed in to save my daughter."

"But you didn't kill her," Sam said, her voice strong and steady. "You said yourself that you couldn't take a life." Janet sat there stunned, wanting to believe Sam, yet so very afraid of the truths and lies that lay beneath the surface. "And Cassie is alive because of your actions. We wouldn't have had the power over Nirrti to get her to at least try if you weren't there aiming that gun."

"I suppose you're right," Janet found herself saying.

"Darn straight, I'm right. You saved Cassie's life."

"Using whatever means necessary," Janet said with a wry grin.

"You got it!"

Sam was grinning broadly at her, and Janet was suddenly very glad her friend had come in when she did. She still had her doubts, but Sam's words made things a little clearer. Nirrti was still alive and so was Cassie. Janet had won in the end, despite her earlier misgivings. And she knew that no matter what, the Hippocratic Oath was just as important to her now as it was before she had aimed that gun at Nirrti.

She looked down at her cup for a moment, then back up at Sam. "Thank you."

"Anytime, my friend," Sam said with a wicked grin. "So, when does Cassie get to go home? Dominic's been asking about her."

"Dominic," Janet said with a shake of her head. "Cassie's growing up so fast. She'll be heading off to college before I know it."

Sam nodded, then sipped at her coffee. Janet took a sip of her own coffee, as she thought about the future. Cassie was going to be okay, and Janet relaxed for the first time since her daughter's birthday. They had so many years ahead of them and she vowed to make sure they make the best of every last one of them, no matter what obstacles stood in their way. Cassie deserved nothing less.

"Well," she said as she stood up to take her leave. "I'm going to go check on Cassie. Will you be joining us later?"

"Yep. We have a date with a chess board. And this time, I'm going to win."

"Good luck with that," Janet told her friend with a wry smile before heading off toward the infirmary. With any luck, she just may be able to beat Cassie in a game of chess before Sam gets there. But then again, she had plenty of time to spend with her daughter. All the time in the world.


End file.
